Overheard in August

by Jude Feldman

This is a feature that appears periodically, usually (but not always) as we attend conventions and overhear things.  The tradition of keeping track of anonymous overheard bits and bobs started for us at the 2002 ConJose, where trying (or trying not to) fill in the blanks on overheard conversations made us laugh so much that we made it a tradition.  (For those keeping track, the one that started it all was "Shelby, it's not okay to touch your sister's breast with the back of your hand, either!".)

This issue we share some highlights from the store, Writers With Drinks, and this year's World Science Fiction Convention in San Jose:

* Overheard at WorldCon:

"It's like rolling your tongue over a minefield."

"The place is _exceptionally_ slick and chrome.  It's like pooping in the future."

"Just say the word if you want 'Weird Japanese Snacks' on your name badge."

"I WASN'T lying.  I was just making sh*t up."

"I'm pretty sure no one's going to come up and say 'Please fix my Patrick Stewart!"

"I have baser instincts but very high restraint."

"That's why there's so much on the line; because it's entirely about ego."

"Aliens, robots, & monsters -- that's my kink!"

"My mom is like, 500 times hipper than I am."

"You had me at 'Murder Bunny'."

"It's Nerd Burning Man, that's what it is."

"I'M your conscience?! You're really screwed."

"I was the goth-est Deadhead EVER."

"Do you want the dragon or the gargoyle?"

"That sounds like my dating scene."

"It's as upcoming as you can get without actually having come."

"It's reminiscent of seaweed, old ashtrays, used bandaids, and a head-butt. . . . Y'know, subtle."

"I am SURE that cheese should not be flammable."

"I've become that guy who buys his underwear on EBay."

"You haven't hit rock bottom until you buy it on Craigslist."

"It CAN'T be blackmail if he's not ashamed of it."

"After multiple accidental Dr. Pepper/tequila shooters, I literally began speaking in tongues when the breakfast buffet opened at 5 am."

"And then we almost fell into an accidental grenade sump.  So we've come full circle."

"I've really never seen anyone be SO sincere in the face of stripper tits."

"It was like a THC enema, and then, oh boy!"

* Overheard in the Store:

"I'm super-excited about rugs. I guess that means I'm a grown-up, huh?"

"Could you PLEASE stop staring at me like you're thinking 'The quickest way to a man's heart is through his sternum.'?"

"That job just wasn't for me. I really need to work with beings who understand object permanence."

"I would never, ever have pegged her for an 'Interview With the Vampire' person."

"Have you _been_ to Worcester? Have you _seen_ Turtle Boy?"

* Overheard at Writers With Drinks:

"... and that's how I snuck an incredibly tasteful orgy into my young adult novel."